Sometimes relationships aren’t as good for us as we think. With infatuation, it is easy to ignore someone’s flaws. It is also easy to tell yourself an incident ‘only happened once’ or that things will get better. And while it’s good to maintain a positive attitude, the reality is that some situations are unhealthy.

Just because your significant other doesn’t hit you, doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t abusive. Emotional abuse is serious and can be just as damaging. Here are a few signs of trouble to look out for.

1. He/she puts you down verbally

It is natural for your self-esteem to be related to how others see you. It feels good when someone compliments you, so it is important to remember to compliment your boyfriend or girlfriend often to assure him or her that your feelings have not changed. You should always treat your significant other with respect and accept them for who they are, and vice versa. If this is not happening, it is a red flag. It may be subtle and you may not even realize that it is happening. Words can hurt, even if they are said ‘jokingly.’ A good way to try to resolve this is to tell your partner that their behaviour upsets you by starting a sentence with, “I feel upset when you….” If they don’t make an effort to change, they do not truly care about you.

2. He/she compares you to other people

If you are the object of someone’s affection, you should feel special and cared for rather than inferior to someone else. Whether compared to a friend or celebrity, it hurts for anyone to think they may not be all their partner wants or needs. In order to avoid this, you should focus on and verbalize how unique your partner is and all the things you like about him or her specifically. Sometimes people are blind as to what they have in front of them. If this is the case, you may have to make them learn the hard way by walking away.

3. He/she is jealous of your accomplishments\

One of you may be successful in ways the other is not. Examples are being on the honour role, the school basketball team, or popular among peers. It is perfectly normal to admire people’s strengths, but an emotionally abusive partner tends to be resentful because of insecurities. In a healthy relationship, both people support each other’s talents, goals, and dreams, and want to see the other person do well and be happy.

You can try to improve this kind of relationship by appreciating your partner on a regular basis and helping them reach their own goals, but the situation may not improve since not all insecurities can be overcome.

4. He/she keeps you from friends/family

Manipulation is a common denominator in emotionally abusive relationships. Your partner may get upset if you make plans to see a friend or are busy with your family. While this may be interpreted as the person simply wanting to spend more time with you, space is an important factor in all healthy relationships. You should not sacrifice a great deal of time with other people for your boyfriend or girlfriend, but rather work towards a balance so that you maintain a life outside the relationship. If they are encouraging you to cut out the people you are closest with, it might be time to cut them out instead.