For students all over the world, the 2020-2021 school year looks stupendously different when compared to previous years as we have been engaged in distance learning since March due to the incessant covid-19 pandemic. Last school term, we powered all the way through to June with our classes fully online. It looked slightly different from how online school looks now. Last time, we all made the transition from physical school to online with our own schools, our own teachers, and our own friends. It still held a strong sense of familiarity. This year, however, we are going into a situation where physical and online schools are two separate institutions. The online schools are even complete with their own guidance counsellors and principals! Personally, at one point I was heavily concerned that I would not be a part of my school anymore. I was also worried that I wouldn’t be able to graduate with my school. This pandemic has been generally scary for everyone, however, I feel that for students an extra layer of stress is added because of everything happening in the education system and how it looks moving forward is very uncertain.

The school year started out in a confusing way for me. The day they started I had not been told that I was even registered into my classes, nor did I have a schedule to work with. In fact, I still do not have my schedule. I only found out that I had been given my 2 classes when my brother told me that he got his. I was very stressed because I was afraid that I missed something, but luckily, I hadn’t. I started to feel a little better when I saw that some people I had known from elementary school and that I had a friend in one of my classes. It felt nice to know a few people on the first few days.

The first two weeks of online school felt quite overwhelming. I wanted to make sure that I made a good impression with my teachers so that they would somehow know how hard I was trying.  It was also difficult adjusting to the zoom calls as my teachers last term did not do them, I had a lot to learn! At one point, I was a complete nervous wreck; every time I got a notification from my school app I felt the nerves erupt within my stomach. The uncertainty of everything was making me terribly anxious. My home has always been such a relaxing environment for me, when I do work here it feels relaxing at first. But I naturally feel the need to stress in some way when it comes to school because I have always related school to feelings of anxiety and stress. As a result, I was being harder on myself when it came to marks. I felt that I had to work harder to prove myself to them as a good student to my teachers and I feared that nothing I submitted was good enough.

However, as I find the third week of this quadmester ending, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have come to realize that the one person I should be trying to prove anything to is myself. With online school, I overthink and analyze every little thing, hence the reason I become so anxious about everything. I have since realized that I need to have a lot more faith in my ability to do work and more confidence in myself in general. This week, I was trying to practice more mindfulness and relaxation techniques for when doing my work. I grabbed a few things from my room and brought them down to my spot at the kitchen table to make it more relaxing (I can’t work in my bedroom because I get far too distracted!) and I have been taking frequent breaks. I am still working on the part of not being too hard on myself, but that’s probably the most difficult part.

To anyone who is also doing online school, my message is this: do not worry too much about every little thing. Yes, you should worry from time to time (it’s only natural) but if you worry too much, you’re practically suffering twice. Hang in there, we’re all in this together.